why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
