This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
