I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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