Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
