I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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