He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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