So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
