The maid of honor just puked.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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