so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am midnight drunk by noon
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize