Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
