I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am available for nakedness
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize