wrigley field is MILF paradise
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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