I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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