Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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