I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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