There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
