I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
worst night to have a conscience
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
