I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
