The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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