So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
