I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
