Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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