Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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