Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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