My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Randomize
