ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How does it feel to date your dad?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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