Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh god it's open bar.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
