please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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