I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
