roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
