This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have fence marks all over my body
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
