One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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