five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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