I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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