First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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