I think my fart just growled at me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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