So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize