does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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