You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
