I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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