Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
