dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
