I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
