i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
