Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
