Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
