Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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