Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
