remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
