he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize