I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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