you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize