I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize