Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
