i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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