where am i from again
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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