Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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