we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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