Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
being pregnant is like rehab
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
