Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
