im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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