I'm going to jail i love you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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